Posted on | May 17, 2013 | No Comments
My last blog landed me in a bit of trouble. Or rather it didn’t (you should know by now a vastly exaggerate how offensive I am when I’m quite sensitive really. Well ‘quite’ anyway) but it caused some heated comments on a virtual pub situated in the town known as Reddit. A friend of mine (the one largely responsible for getting me to reduce my waffling here) chose to share the part where I deliberately crudely stated
“Crips need sex. Crips have sex. Crips can struggle getting sex. Crips shouldn’t feel bad paying for sex.”, and then commenced the shitstorm.
Overlooking this thread I took the foolish option of starting biting back by telling people that it was my blog and in line with my particular register I use which given my disability and the nature of my writing was fully appropriate therefore they should shut up. Then it dawned on me that these words were no-longer mine, they had grown up and left home therefore no-longer my responsibility. And yes, with no disrespect to my mate for sharing it, viewing those words void of context did appear provocative and unnecessarily offensive. After realising this I apologised as I was chipping into a conversation that had little to do with me before instructing they continue the debate and forget I said anything.
I consider (perhaps wrongly) the word ‘crip’ fully at home on my blog, especially when I’m getting to a punchy ending, and many readers are used to seeing it here. (Ok, I’ll test that: crip crip crip crip crip. Still there? Good.) It’s in-line with how I like to portray myself, I try to make progressive ‘good’ points here but like to maintain my image of an ‘out-there’ comedian (or because I’m immature and like to shock others with ‘bad’ words). Plus using such words in context neutralises their impact when used harmfully – well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
There’s a hierarchy of offence in of disablist language and ‘crip’ appears to be lower down the nastiness-rankings than ‘spazz’ or any other variant on ‘spastic’. Words get more offensive as they become more specific which was the main reason I spoke out against ‘mong gate’. This is why I only use ‘spazz’ in terms of self-attribution but will sometimes talk about fellow ‘crips’ and I have seen others with disabilities do this too.
Anyway, I’m drifting – so much for that plan of staying concise. This is a common theme in comedy (I consider me writing this blog as a comedian even if it’s not as laugh-orientated as my sets), people’s offense is most prominent when the relationship between the words and the author diminishes. Take the case of Lenny Bruce being charged for vulgarity after the courtroom saw a witness perform Bruce’s set ‘word-for-word’ (but not implication-for-implication). Yes, I feel comics do have to be careful that words don’t hurt people when leaving their mouths but it’s unfair to hold them accountable for what happens when others use them.
Now what was that Reginald D Hunter joke about a black guy??
(PS knowing Patrick he probably did this to cause a debate too.)
Posted on | May 10, 2013 | No Comments
I ought to start this blog up again – especially as blogging is a great way of getting my ideas out there without some penis unwilling to pay that little bit more effort and crudely complaining he can’t understand what I’m saying. (This is something I recently ranted about on Youtube, which you may call preaching to the choir.) My break was predominantly down to laze but also my habit of stretching a single idea into one thousand word blog (which is ironic as I regularly boast about how concise my material is). So I will now combine three mini-rants into one blog – value for reading or what?!
A friend just shared a story involving one of my lot (a comedian with CP that is, and a funny one too), Tim Renkow, being refused access and escorted from The Times Hostel in Dublin on the grounds of his disability – I presume because he ‘looked drunk’. Disgusting! Now I’m one who conceives that to someone who hasn’t seen a lot of ‘Palsy the sight of one of us walking aidless may initially look like drunkenness. But after five seconds anyone with half a brain-cell will twig that drunkenness isn’t the name of the game (and if he’s anything like me he’ll be at his most twitchy when completely sober, as he was).
It takes a special amount of special to ignore every drop of common sense not to realise a guy as CP for long enough to escort him off away from your building. I have not much else to say on this but shame on you, you pricks.
(See, I’m keeping it concise!)
A while ago I went nuclear about various issues I had in the gym and I am happy to say most have died down: I am no-longer accused of ponging/not wiping the machines down and the vocal youngster often says hello and refers to me by my name! However yesterday I took a fall on the treadmill (for the first time, remarkable really given my disability and how long I’ve been going). Luckily I saved myself and got off with only minor scraping to one knee. Obviously everyone rushed to me and I actually felt more embarrassed than hurt but I eventually convinced all I was alright and explained I only use the treadmill when the bike is busy and agreed from now on I will wait for the bike rather than use the ‘mill.
Later I was informed that the manager took this opportunity to moan that I “should have a carer” and this is where my (only) beef starts. What right does he have to say what I should or shouldn’t have? The law of averages states everyone who has been using gyms as long as I do have had one fall on the treadmill and I hope the manager said that they needed a carer too. The word ‘carer’ annoys me, care is mainly an emotional doing and one I don’t require (no, shut up, I don’t!), yes I require assistance which is why I have a personal assistant most evenings and mornings but not a carer!
Various friends requested I rant about C4’s ‘Sex On Wheels’ but I actually don’t have the time in my idle day to watch it as I’m too busy wasting time. Maybe this is the show that breaks the mould by actually being provocative and providing some searching unspoken questions to the topic of sex and disability. Maybe this one won’t encourage me to stay single through fear of being anything like the people it pretends exist. Maybe it will say the use of escorts is perfectly legitimate.
But I doubt it.
If you, like me, simply couldn’t muscle the patience to watch it here is a list of ALL you need to know about disability and sex:
Crips need sex.
Crips have sex.
Crips can struggle getting sex.
Crips shouldn’t feel bad paying for sex.
That is all.
Posted on | March 8, 2013 | No Comments
I’m going to write about music again (coz I can – haha!), but look, I warned you in the very first sentence so don’t blame me if this entry isn’t for you.
Tribute bands are like acts on a ‘variety night’ – often disappointing with the odd pleasant surprise. It was this Wednesday I took my self to Cardiff’s Rock and Metal nightclub Bogiez to see a rather up-market tribute band: Gerry McAvoy’s Band of Friends. Gerry was Rory Gallagher’s long-standing and blisteringly dynamic bass-player famous for his energetic performances and eccentric faces; in many ways Rory could have never asked for someone to share a stage with. Being nearly two decades since the great man started his eternal gig in the sky Gerry’s fingers are itching to pay him tribute and play his songs again. So he has united Ted McKenna and Marcel Scherpenzeel to form this gourmet tribute experience.
Marcel is the ‘Rory’ of the band, and a very fine one he is too – you could even say he has the G-man down to a G. He plays a beaten-up strat looking just like Rory’s which he is able to get near-carbon-copy tones and expression from, his vocals are pretty close too.
Ted McKenna proves an equally inspired choice as he took the drum-stool for the great man between 1978-81, the bulk of Rory’s less bluesy ‘rock’ years. (Ted also sat at the kit for many rockers and was in The Sensational Alex Harvey Band, so his albeit-aged face is one you may recognise.)
Watching them play together was a joy, you could see just how much it meant to Gerry and watching him so happy you couldn’t help but feel good too, you could see how proud he was of Marcel’s ability to imitate his much-lost band mate. Gerry indulged the audience in anecdotes about Rory almost between every song in a touching, slightly unnecessary but by no means self-indulgent way.
As for the set-list my gushing rivers of praise lose somewhat of their current. I consider myself to have all of Rory’s essential albums – all but one of his blues-based albums and one from his later and weaker ‘hard-rock’ period. Judging by the sad circles of musos I frequent it is the general consensus that while Rory wrote the odd great rocker his blues is where it’s at, but yet the band did not share this opinion. It was a fair few songs into the set until I truly recognised a tune, and even then it was a later one! When Gerry then announced it was “time for some blues” several songs in I assumed we were finally getting back to the old stuff, but we then got “Off The Handle” a strong but somewhat atypical cut from yet another of Rory’s few later albums.
By the end of the set I was acutely aware that we had only heard three songs that weren’t from these three ‘rock’ albums, and even they were arranged like they were when played live in Rory’s ‘hard-rock’ period. If you’ve been reading this blog from its conception you’ll remember me being somewhat ecstatic how blues-heavy a set from tribute band The ZZ Tops was, and I accept ZZ Top are much better known for their commercial rock. This is not the case with Rory and I’ve never had reason to doubt that.
My other moan was that they clearly didn’t regard themselves a tribute band when it came to ticket-pricing. £15/17 did seem especially steep and this was reflected in the turn-out – I doubt there were more than twenty punters in. I’m not quite sure who sorts these things out but in hearing such a turn-out was not atypical one should consider a more gentle pricing-plan.
An enjoyable gig on the whole but, even after accepting the Great Man’s gone for good, one that could have been better. ***/5 (for those who dig swanky star-systems.)
Posted on | February 18, 2013 | No Comments
I’ve found two almost fail-safe ways to get hits to this blog: moan about disability campaigners who block you on Twitter for no reason; or talk about disability and sex. I won’t do the former –but feel free to read her baffling pro-Derek attempt at irony, but having just seen the highly enjoyable Sessions I feel compelled to write about it. (Nothing to do with my friend fixing me a free ticket on the condition I review it!)
Posted on | February 1, 2013 | 1 Comment
In my last blog I alluded to it coming up to the tenth anniversary of me being without a long-term lady-friend (if you read it you’ll know I’m not after sympathy, just maybe some extra cash), but tonight marks a more rejoice-worthy anniversary: my first gig! Four years ago I took to the stage for the first time at The Drones Club in Chapter Arts Centre (which I am playing tonight). The gig is on Youtube, you can watch it if you like, my phrasing and delivery are all over the shop, I’m in no hurry to deliver the punchlines but when I do mirth does occur – even in small amounts. Read more
Posted on | January 18, 2013 | 5 Comments
This blog is getting a bit dull recently, eh? If I’ve remembered to update it I’m writing about music you probably don’t care for. Well, consider it your lucky day because twice this week I’ve heard the topic of people with disabilities and escorts being discussed in the mainstream and that is enough for me to write a blog on it. Read more
Posted on | January 10, 2013 | No Comments
Some promises are like banjos – meant to be broken (a cheap and unfair joke, but one that may amuse you nonetheless), for example the one that I won’t discuss my love of some rather ‘alternative’ music. A, I haven’t blogged in ages so anything to regain my writing-mojo is worth it; b, it’s my blog where I talk about the things I like, and blues-rock is one of the things I like, so read it or fuck off. (Preferably read it though please, the hits help me sustain the myth that I’m actually liked.)
Posted on | December 15, 2012 | No Comments
Trolling is something I’ve discussed previously here, I’d never do it but I enjoy giving as good as I get when trolled. The thing that baffles me about the more lightweight trolls (by that I mean those who want a row about politics as opposed to the scumbags that abuse grieving relatives for kicks) is why they feel the need to interact with posts they know they will disagree with. If I was to search for strings such as ‘Michael McIntyre fan forum’, ‘Disability Pride Discussions’ or ‘X-Factor Fanzine’ I wouldn’t be short of people to argue with. However, I just don’t see the point; arguments are their best when there’s mostly agreement and you just disagree on a few specificities. When it’s a case of Born-again Goddies Vs Dawkins-worshippers or Right Vs Left arguing just becomes a bile-match; you won’t change any opinions, all you will do is get yourself and the other party angrier. Read more
Posted on | December 3, 2012 | No Comments
Been a while, hasn’t it? Much like my curry on Saturday night. If you know Cardiff you’ll know that when there’s rugby on everywhere that serves food and alcohol becomes busy – even small tucked-away and normally quiet curry houses. And so, my plan to go to my small curry house of choice for a quick poppadum, pakora, Parthia and Peswari naan (I only had two of these things but I’m digging the alliteration) before I went to a house-party was flawed. Read more
Posted on | November 15, 2012 | No Comments
How did you spend last Sunday? Hopefully you realised it was Remembrance Sunday being an important day in history. Admittedly I missed the opportunity to be silent. I was having a lie-in after a hectic time gigging in Birmingham (come to think of it I was silent, just with wrong intentions). If I was awake I would have silenced myself for two minutes as remembering the efforts of millions of people in the two world wars is important. One thing I did do for Remembrance Sunday is post a ‘witty’ status on Facebook about it (I won’t use the word ‘joke’, that undermines any moral sentiment attached) and caution was necessary as people have been getting into trouble for posting horrible ‘offensive’ things about soldiers online.keep looking »