Ted Shiress

Keepin’ The Juices Flowing

Posted on | September 24, 2016 | No Comments

As mentioned previously I’m not gigging quite as much as previously, still just like a singer chewing gum I am trying to do the necessary to keep the ol’ creative juices flowing. I now attend a writers’ group where I knock out a creative piece bi-weekly. I did something similar a while back and made the mistake of sharing such rookie attempts with you – but this time I will only share the funny ones. (Often getting paid to be funny I think it’s now just a logical entailment that I am professionally funny.) So here are three for your enjoyment.

Should we keep it?

Last night nothing seemed to have a consequence, so passion and wine made our decision for us. The alcohol was flowing and our hunger was palpable. in the heat of the night we made our choice. Everything felt perfect, consequence was just a high scoring word in scrabble with no meaning. But now we wake up, sobered in our conscience knowing that there may be something there, living. Something there, waiting to grow. And all because of one decision we made under uncontrollable lust. And now we have another decision: do we get rid of it now? We might think we can keep it but we can’t.

Oh why didn’t we throw out the takeaway before going to bed.

My ‘Cheat’s Attempt’ to work with a set opening-line

“These are dark and evil days,” the mouse told me as he nibbled my ear, it was then I realised I was tripping, tripping hard. I then remembered Steve telling “Control the trip with positive thoughts, Ted” but that just meant the mouse now was saying that in between mouthfuls of lobe. What beats a mouse? A cat. Time to think catty thoughts and all will be OK.

A cat I said, a cute cuddly cat, not a lion! I was now engulfed in a lion’s mane a whisker away from his teeth. Its roar was bursting my eardrum like I was in the engine of a jet plane, I was certain I’d turn deaf.

It was after that I realised acid isn’t for me.

The Curse of The Music Nerd

“No, I think you will find Bob Dylan wrote it”, “Yes this song is OK but their first few albums were less commercial” are a few things I say uncontrollably. Why can’t I go out and let background music be background music?

Why can’t I worry more about how my drink is mixed and less about how the butchered version of one of my far from favourite songs playing is? The answer, I am a music nerd.

Do you want vinyl they ask, before I launch into a diatribe about digital sound, appropriate this would be were I not in a carpet shop. And the last time I heard someone recommend a certain tweeter I was there for ten minutes speaking about a speaker.

I am cursed by my love, not a love of a person but of sound.


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