Ted Shiress

The #SpasticSelfie Page

In my latest attempt to get myself banned from the internet I am trying to create my own internet sensation: The Spastic Selfie. The premise is simple, a selfie taken by someone with Cerebral Palsy – preferably to a degree great enough to significantly prohibit one’s ability to take selfies.

Feel free to join the trend by tweeting your spastic masterpieces to the hashtag #SpasticSelfie with a description of what you’re doing (because naturally we won’t have a fucking clue) and together we can all be Crip Michelangelos. But before you do please respect the basic rules:

1. #SpasticSelfies are intended to be taken only by those with Cerebral Palsy or similar and thus ridiculing their own, and only their own, conditions. Call it Spastics’ Privilege if you like – yeah you get the ability to move in a crowded place without compromising your safety, talk to someone you find attractive without knowing full-well they might be just patronising you and do anything slightly off-piste without people thinking you’re a complete airhead; and we get this. I think you still win.
2. #SpasticSelfies are intended to be viewed humourously as if to say ‘Yeah, I can’t use my smartphone for shit but so what?!’.  You may feel even with Cerebral Palsy you have a genuine ability to capture yourself on your smartphone and I don’t want to insult that. Just be aware that by tweeting a selfie under #SpasticSelfie you are granting permission for playful laughter from your audience.
3. Try not to manipulate your #SpasticSelfie too much. Yes, I’m doing this for a laugh so naturally I will go to some length to make a #SpasticSelfie look funny but the majority of the photograph’s humour should come from your natural lack of dexterity, so do not pretend your selfie-taking ability is any worse than it is.
4. If taking a #SpasticSelfie in a situation which obstructs others ensure you are not blocking the way of any other disabled people. Ableds behave like this all the time and they deserve a taste of their own medicine, but please try not to make it harder for fellow spastics.
5. DO NOT pose as someone with Cerebral Palsy in order for you to gatecrash this trend. Those who do will not be invited to my party.

Below are my own  #SpasticSelfie masterpieces which I will update regularly.

Waking up.

Waking up.

Making a cup of coffee.

Making a cup of coffee.

Brushing my teeth.

Brushing my teeth.

Watching a gig.

Watching a gig.

Going to a physio appointment on a minibus

Going to a physio appointment on a minibus

Reading the Guardian online.

Reading the Guardian online.

Outside an inaccessible healthfood shop asking for mincemeat ingredients.

Outside an inaccessible healthfood shop asking for mincemeat ingredients.

Waking up (hungover).

Waking up (hungover).

Taking a #SpasticSelfie while accidentally activating the secondary camera on my phone's screen side.

Taking a #SpasticSelfie while accidentally activating the screen-side camera.

Purchasing figs and dates from an international food market.

Purchasing figs and dates from an international food market.

Shopping in town.

Shopping in town.

Reading Private Eye.

Reading Private Eye.

Having a beer at home.

Drinking at home.

Waiting for a morning appointment coffee-less.

Waiting for an appointment before I could have a coffee.

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